Shine!

We are living in troubling times as disparate voices cry out throughout our country saying “Black Lives Matters,” no “All Lives Matter” then “Police Lives Matter.” Some are crying out for solidarity clinging to the supremacy they fear is slipping through their fingers as America becomes more and more diverse.

Some are calling for the recognition of a common humanity to unite against the ugliness of the rising tide of racial prejudice that has long been the elephant in the room in these so called “United” States. A light is being shined on the heart of the American society and a deep darkness is being exposed.

There was a quote posted on Facebook on last Friday that said, “People yell that “President Obama has divided America!” But Obama didn’t divide our country; their unwarranted hatred of him did. Electing him was like turning on a light in a dark room and exposing the cockroaches.” (Kim Lopez)

Yes. There are many voices, calling for many things. Funny though, I’ve not heard many voices calling for people to return to God. Isaiah 55:7 says; “Let the wicked one abandon his way and the sinful one his thoughts; let him return to the LORD, so He may have compassion on him, and to our God, for He will freely forgive.”

There is no political party or leader, no ruler, or self help guru that can heal what ails the human heart in this world – nobody, but Jesus Christ. Ephesian 2:4 says; “For Christ himself has brought peace to us. He united Jews and Gentiles into one people when, in his own body on the cross, he broke down the wall of hostility that separated us.”

So how does a follower of Jesus respond to all that is going on in the world today? More than ever I believe God is calling His own to be devoted to Him, not a political party — to live for Him, to be a light shining in this present darkness. We can’t say we love and serve Jesus, and hate those he loves. 1 John 4:20 says, “If anyone says, “I love God,” yet hates his brother, he is a liar. For the person who does not love his brother he has seen cannot love the God he has not seen.”

God is calling us to be SOLD OUT – Singularly, Outrageously, in Love and Devoted to Jesus, not fair weather, I will serve God when it suits me Christians. God is calling for followers of Jesus who boldly stand for truth and walk in God’s love and forgiveness in a world that is full of division and hate.

As Dr. King once said, Darkness cannot drive out darkness, only light can do that…” The darker the world gets the brighter we must SHINE! It’s time for followers of Jesus Christ to push back the darkness with the light of God’s love and truth, and refuse to be drawn into the hate and division that is rearing its ugly head. That may mean doing some Spirit-led self-examination in order to cast off our own biases and bitterness so that we can be the light God is calling us to be. SHINE!

¹⁶ Let the message about Christ, in all its richness, fill your lives. Teach and counsel each other with all the wisdom he gives. Sing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs to God with thankful hearts. ¹⁷ And whatever you do or say, do it as a representative of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks through him to God the Father.”  Colossians 3:16-17

Jane

God’s Promises for Our Children

I have three wonderful sons. Each is uniquely gifted with kind and generous hearts. For this I am grateful. When it comes to raising children, I’m sure I’m not the only parent who wishes they could have done some things differently saying; “if I only knew then what I know now…” Hindsight is always 20/20. Thankfully, God’s grace and promises extend far beyond life’s challenges, mistakes, and missed opportunities.

My greatest desire for my sons is that they would love God and choose to live for him in an uncommon manner in this world, living to make a positive impact. In seasons where they challenged us and questioned the faith my husband and I taught them, I’ve always held on to God’s promises concerning them, and I am fully convinced that what God promises he is fully able to bring about.

It’s been said that at age 13, something comes and steals a child’s brain and doesn’t return it until around age 17. This was definitely the case with my middle son. It seemed that an alien resided in his body and was hell-bent to send me to an early grave. Later in life when we spoke of this season he said; “Mom, I was just trying to find myself.”  I look back on those days and know it was God’s grace that carried us through.

He is now 25 and a graphic artist living in New York City. He is a committed member of a young adult church plant that meets in a movie theater. He leads a community group, goes on church retreats, and is actively engaging his faith. Last Easter, his pastor asked him to share his testimony during worship. When I read what he shared, I saw that the promises I’d held onto in those dark years were unfolding. I share his testimony with you in the hope that it will encourage you to hold on to God’s promises for your life and the lives of those you love.

“The past couple of years for me have been very seasonal and most of those seasons have been pretty rough. For those that know me, know that I’m a dreamer and I have these big lofty goals, that seem completely out of my grasp and I expect to accomplish all them. I’ve pretty much been this way as far back as I can remember. And I’ve been very good at art my entire life and I thought as long as I plan everything out and refine my craft I’ll be able to become something great, as long as everything is under my control. But I’ve been utterly powerless for years now. And any good thing that has come to me has been completely God and his plan for me.

When I graduated from college, I graduated top of my class and I had dozens of connections and they promised me a job. But nothing panned out. After college, God stripped me of everything I had. I was in a relationship and that crumbled very quickly. I couldn’t find any real work for over a year. And on top of that, I was trapped in the middle of nowhere Virginia with no friends and nothing to do. I remember sitting in church one Sunday just angry and bitter at the world and at God. The harder I tried to hold on to something the faster it fell apart. I was at an all time low. But I remembered a guy who randomly hit me up on Facebook named Dimitri. We only had one mutual friend and it was a girl I barely knew in person.

Dimiti told me about this guy named Broadway who was the Director of Animation for 50 Cent and he was going to introduce me to him. But Dimitri was nowhere to be found, so I hit up Broadway myself. And three months later, I made a trip to New York to shoot a teaser for a short film and work with Broadway for a week. And I was telling Broadway I was leaving soon and he says to me, “Oh I thought you were staying for good.” So that ended up being my big move to New York. I never expected to be here. That was God’s plan. And working with Broadway was alright for awhile, but once again I was slowly sliding back down to rock bottom and I was in a really unhealthy work and living arrangement. I was being underpaid and mistreated on a daily basis and I was at the brink of packing up my stuff and going back home to start over.

During that time I got offered an editing job and I wasn’t sure if I should take it. But I was doing consulting for one of Broadway’s clients at the time and they offered me a full time job. Once again God provided for me. And within three months they gave me a senior level position at the company and things were alright for a while. But as I said before my life has been in seasons and it wasn’t meant to last. The management made some really bad decisions and the company became really unstable. They ended up closing down the New York office and they offered me a job at the west coast office. I turned it down because I didn’t feel God wanted me there. Which ended up being a good decision because that one closed a month after the New York one did.

Once again I had to start all over. I decided to start developing my own company instead of going back into the industry and I was constantly stressed out never sure if I made the right decision. I was running out of my savings and needed money desperately and God once again provided by sending multiple freelance projects my way. I did nothing to find these people; they just contacted me out of the blue. Over and over God has led me from one place to the next. And I can’t take any credit for it at all. I’ve literally been in the dark and God lights the next step for me just before I’m about to stumble.

But it hasn’t been easy. I’m not easily convinced and I’m very forgetful. Despite multiple promises spoken over my life and God repeatedly coming through for me every single time, when the end looks grim, I start to question him. But I think through all these rough seasons, he’s been transforming me into who he wants me to be, teaching me to trust in him and stay on his path. Even if I can’t see ahead and the door is closed it doesn’t matter, because when I get there the door will be opened.  But recently I’ve realized another reason why God has put me on my specific path. And it’s connected to what I’ve been reading in the small group I lead. In the book of Judges there’s this guy named Gideon and God calls him to lead Israel’s army to free them from the Midianites and he goes out with 30,000 men and God says, “you have too many men, if you defeat this army Israel will give the credit to themselves.” So he tells two thirds of them to go home. And God says, “You still have too many men.” So Gideon then only takes 300 men to defeat the massive Midianite army. So no one can confuse the victory with their own merit and they have to give the glory to God.

I think in the same way for me, maybe I am capable of doing great things on my own, but that wouldn’t give the Glory to God. So he’s put me on a path that I cannot confuse with my own merit and I have to give to the glory to him, but also how much greater will the result be because he willed it. So living the life that is truly life for me, is not knowing God’s plan but knowing that God has a plan.

Every time I read this, my heart is filled with awe and joy at the faithfulness of God to turn the darkest seasons around if we just hold on to hope.

“Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful.                               ~ Hebrews 10:23 NIV

“Teach a youth about the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.”    ~ Proverbs 22:6 HSCB

Faith Makes All the Difference

The season has changed and I find myself taking a moment to reflect on a summer in which time stopped for a moment. Sudden illness brought my life’s activity to a screeching halt and made me once again realize the fragility of life. I’ve had two such moments, this summer and the other, 20 years ago.

20 years ago, we were in seminary in Iowa. My husband, Ron, and our three boys would go back home to Pennsylvania for the summer. Ron would work and my parents would enjoy their grandkids. I had a full time and part time job so I stayed in Iowa. Our first seminary house was a hazardous moldy nightmare. It was a duplex that was eventually torn down. As I think about it, everyone who lived in it while we were there came down with lung problems. I was one of them.

We were fortunate to move from that house to a better one in less than a year, and the summer we moved was the summer Ron and the boys stayed in Pa. With the help of my church family, I packed the entire house and moved across the yard to a nice little house in much better condition. It was a night and day difference. I wanted everything to be lovely and in place when my family returned so I unpacked the entire house, installed mini blinds, hung pictures, and hoisted heavy boxes to places they’d be hidden, all in preparation for their return. Then I took the train to PA to rejoin my family and see my parents for a few days before we rode back to Iowa. I was energetic and full of joy, proud for all I’d accomplished for their return.

The day after we arrived back at our house in Iowa, I woke up feeling very strange. As I breathed in I felt as if Styrofoam had been inserted into my chest. Shortly after realizing it wasn’t the flu, we went to the emergency room and after preliminary an X-ray, I found myself being quarantined. The X-ray showed I had double pneumonia, cavities in my lungs and viruses living in the cavities, one was a staph virus. The other had a strange name I can’t recall.

At first they didn’t know if I had Tuberculosis or Lymphoma, and I wondered if I’d live to see my kids grow to adulthood. My world turned upside down with a series of tests and appointments until it was determined I had Sarcoidosis. What followed was a series of infections due to side effects from high doses of prednisone. In this season, I gained peace knowing that my life was in the Master’s hands. God had brought me through other seasons of uncertainty and unrest and He would bring me through again. My faith made all the difference.

It made the difference again, 20 years later, this summer. I had a busy week as usual. I left my church late Saturday afternoon feeling like I’d accomplished a lot. I had one more visitation to make but thought I’d do that the next day after worship. I wasn’t home for more than 15 minutes when a flood of blood began flowing from my body. I calmly cleaned myself up and told Ron we needed to go to the emergency room. I bled for hours and hours. I lost so much blood that my pressure dropped and I fainted. I was transferred to a university hospital an hour away and stayed there for 13 days. I was anesthetized three times, had five different procedures, and more blood tests than I can count.

The doctors could not figure out what was wrong with me. When they’d go in to do a procedure, I’d stop bleeding so they couldn’t find the source. They’d get ready to discharge me and I’d begin to bleed again. Finally, they dropped a capsule camera into my digestive track and found the culprit – my ileum was ulcerated and inflamed. The preliminary diagnosis was Crohn’s Disease. I was discharged and began treatment. Later that diagnosis was changed to Ileitis because my symptoms did not fit Crohn’s.

The curious thing about this ordeal and those thirteen, sometimes-lonely days in the hospital was the deep sense of peace God gave me. It was disconcerting when the blood kept playing “catch me if you can” with the technicians. It’s a very disturbing thing when the doctor sits on your bed and tells you what a puzzle you are, and another doctor says, “I will do this procedure but I don’t think I will find anything.”

All in all I had peace, the peace of God. I wondered if I’d ever feel “normal” again, if the new normal of feeling depleted of energy because of continual blood loss would be my plight. Even so, I believed that God was not done with me yet. I knew I had not accomplished what he’d placed me on this earth to do. I was in the midst of the most fruitful season of my life and nothing was going to pull the plug on it until God said it was finished.

So here I am three months later with most of my energy restored and just minimal issues with my recent diagnosis. More so, what has resulted is a deep sense of joy and gratitude for my life and ministry, and gratitude for God’s ability to sustain us in the darkest hours of our lives. My trust in God’s love and faithfulness was the calming force for my otherwise excitable nature. I recently ran across a quote from someone that said, “Fear and Faith have something in common, they both ask us to believe in something we cannot see.” Faith makes all the difference!

Jane

^“2 This I declare about the Lord: He alone is my refuge, my place of safety; he is my God, and I trust him. ³ For he will rescue you from every trap and protect you from deadly disease. ⁴ He will cover you with his feathers. He will shelter you with his wings. His faithful promises are your armor and protection.”  ~ Psalm 91:2-4 NRSV

Never Give Up!

Have you ever felt like you missed what God had planned for your life?

When I was a young adult, I had big dreams. I loved to sing and wanted nothing more than to sing professionally. If there’d been such a thing as American Idol in those days, I would have been one of those standing in line to have a chance at my big break. But I developed polyps on my vocal chords and lost my ability to sing for many years. I had put all my eggs into one basket so to speak and for a while I gave up hope. But through that experience God stretched and expanded the vision I had for my life and led me down the road to places where I never thought I’d be.

I learned that I had gifts and abilities beyond my limited understanding of who I thought I was. Here I am at 53 almost 54 years old and still discovering and developing the skills and gifts God has given me, and there is joy in the discovery. Never did I think I’d administrate and develop programs for an organization, lead congregations, be a published author or be seen as a leader in the community I serve. God just keeps on surprising me!

God is a redemptive God. Never give up on God’s ability to work through and in the circumstances of your life to bring about your destiny and purpose.

Nothing, absolutely nothing is wasted with God. Every mess up, mix up, misunderstanding and mistake God can and will turn around and work in it to your advantage. Just don’t give up! God wants His glory to shine through your life so that others will come to know Him through you.

Hold on to your faith! The outcome of your life isn’t dependent upon you and your ability alone. It’s dependent upon God’s ability to make possible what you thought impossible. So NEVER GIVE UP ON GOD. God is full of surprises!

~ Jane

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” ~ Jeremiah 29:10-11 – NIV

“And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them.” ~ Romans 8:28 – NLT

“Now to Him who is able to do above and beyond all that we ask or think according to the power that works in us.” ~ Ephesians 3:20 – HSCB

After Grief – Reflections on a Long Season of Struggle

I haven’t written in my blog for months, since my mother died in early June after a long battle with Dementia and kidney disease. I’m coming out of the storm and good memories are returning to me. I see her in myself. I hear her speak when I say things she used to say. When I reach out sometimes I see her hand reaching toward one of us sitting at the dining table and I see her laughing.

After her passing, it was a busy time at the church, and though I took a short time to rest, I really didn’t take the time to grieve. Yet, in some ways I grieved throughout the seven years we cared for her, because I lost her little by little. I can laugh now about when she’d come out of her room with her bra on her head, but then it wasn’t humorous at all. She became increasingly agitated, even mean at times. She was petite in statute but strong in spirit, which other than Gods grace probably kept her with us longer than we expected.

When you care for and live with someone suffering with an increasingly debilitating disease, you begin to live in crisis mode. Each new day brings a fresh challenge and just when you think there may be a day or two of normalcy something occurs to rip it away – her refusing to eat and hiding her meds in her pocket, refusing to drink, sneaking out of the house ending up in a ditch at the end of the driveway or in the back of the sheriff’s car.

It became so bad that I finally had to give up and put her in a nursing home. That brought on fresh crises as she adjusted, her fighting the staff, forgetting my name, and losing the ability to walk and eventually talk. Through those final stages of her life her sweet nature returned and she was peaceful, and always happy to see me. Oh yes, I lost her little by little and grieved all a long the way.

Living in crisis mode over a long period of time affected me in ways both positive and negative. I’ve become more compassionate toward those who are suffering. I once again learned that God’s presence in my life is a sustaining force, and when my strength was gone, God was my strength.

He gave me places of laughter and joy in the midst of my tumultuous existence, and helped me to hold it together week after week to stand in front of my congregation and proclaim His love. But I became a very anxious person, pretty much because I never knew what I’d be faced with from the time my eyes opened and I opened my bedroom door.

I learned to put on the mask of peace and shove my emotions down. After all, the pastor can’t walk around boohooing and disturbed all the time, but one can only stuff so much though, before they all come bursting to the surface.

So for the past four months, I’ve kind of been like one who is standing on the shore in the aftermath of a treacherous storm trying to figure out how to rebuild my frazzled nerves and battered heart. How does one move on from crisis and survival mode to purposeful and joyful living? Well, for me it’s a choice. It’s really always been a choice – a choice to exhale the toxins of chronic stress, and inhale the gift of grace present all around me. One of the ways I’m moving on is beginning a new ministry outreach to hurting women and men called Living Stones.

Seasons come and seasons go, and in every one God’s grace – His ability, love and favor – has brought me through. I choose joy, and to live my life like my nurturing, loving mother did – thankfully, giving praise to God and demonstrating God’s love and care for those God places in my path.

“Sing to the LORD, all you godly ones! Praise his holy name. For his anger lasts only a moment, but his favor lasts a lifetime! Weeping may last through the night, but joy comes with the morning.”
~ Psalm 30:4-5 (NLT)

“But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”
~ 2 Corinthians 12:9 (ESV)

Self Discipline

God has been teaching me a deeper lesson about discipline during Lent. I encouraged my congregation not to take away something superficial but to take on something that would induce a deeper spiritual life, something that would draw them closer to Christ. I found myself  doing what I told them not to do. I fasted from desserts and sweets – no cookies, cakes, pie or ice cream for 40 days. This has been a challenge for me because I LOVE sweets! I can’t just eat one large chocolate chip cookie. I have to each four! And I wonder why I can’t drop the ten pounds I’ve wanted to drop for what seems like an eternity.

It occurred to me this morning, as I begin my Good Friday fast that I have been getting a lesson in self discipline. My appetite doesn’t have to control me. I can control my appetite. Now this may seem like a no brainer but how many of us really successfully control our appetites. Someone ticks us off and we tell them off. I don’t FEEL like doing something and I find a reason not to even when it would be beneficial for me. Not controlling our appetites will keep us from writing the novel we’ve always wanted to write, beginning to exercise and change to a healthier diet, mend a broken relationship that is well worth fixing.

When Jesus was in the Garden of Gethsemene, he gives us a supreme example of self- discipline. When faced with an excruciating death, humiliation and alienation from God as he suffered for the sins of humankind, he prayed, “My Father! If it is possible, let this cup of suffering be taken away from me. Yet I want your will to be done, not mine.” (Matthew 26:39)

His supreme act of self- discipline has given me the power not to be at the mercy of my appetites – whether they might be. I can choose what is healthiest for me at any given moment.  I have the ability to choose to live fully and joyfully because the Spirit gives me the power to choose joy instead of sorrow, to choose forgiveness over bitterness, to choose peace instead of worry, to choose grace instead of vengeance, and to choose to let go of the past and live in the moment.  All this I learned by giving up chocolate chip cookies for 40 days. God can use anything to teach us if we are open to hearing. Thanks be to God!

~ Jane

 

Wrestling

I’ve been wrestling with God during this Lenten season. Wrestling over thorns that keep pricking me – unanswered questions – longing for greater understanding. Mid-life has brought many questions with it. Why do some people seem to struggle in life while others never seem to struggle at all? The operative word is “seem.” Jesus did say; “In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” (John 16:33b)

I often think “Lord, I wish I could hear You with greater clarity; that You could sit right by me and tell me what I’m really dealing with at any given instance.” Yet, His guidance is quite evident each and every day, but I long for greater understanding. God’s words in 2 Corinthians 12:9 speak loudly to me. “But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.” I’ve learned over the years that problems are an opportunity for God to manifest His power in my life.

Adversity, challenges, illness and trials – “thorns” cause one to dig deep and rest in the knowledge of God’s love and power. The strength of His Spirit within is greater than anything my human spirit can muster. As the Psalmist wrote in Psalm 73:26b; “God is the strength of my life and my portion forever.” I’ve been through challenges that should have taken me out, yet by God’s grace I stand and I still have joy – so much joy.

“Trust in the LORD with all your heart, and do not rely on your own insight. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.” (Proverbs 3:5-6, NIV)

~ Jane